Saturday, July 14, 2012

My Fair Queen Comic Routine.

(Just as a bit of background nonsense, this is my comic routine for the Fair Queen contest that I'm obsessing about. Please leave in the comments whether you think it's sufficient.)

" Hello, all! My name is Hannah [last name] and this will be a comic routine. I apologize in advance for the cheesy jokes that you're about to hear. Though, to be honest, the cheesiest jokes are always the ones I most enjoy, so maybe it'll be the same for you. 

Here we go:
  • Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
  • Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve noble gases here!” Argon doesn’t react.
  • A day without sunshine is, like, night.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.
  • The calendar’s days are numbered.
  • A rubber band pistol was confiscated in algebra class the other day. It was a weapon of math destruction.
  • I was wondering why the Frisbee was getting closer, and then it hit me.
  • Wanna hear a joke about pizza? Never mind; it’s too cheesy.
  • A duck walks into a bar wearing one shoe. The bartender says, “Hey! You lost a shoe!” and the duck says, “No, I found one.”
  • Did you hear about the blue ship and the red ship that collided? Well, all of the sailors were marooned.
  •  I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
  • There are two muffins in an oven. One says, “Wow, it’s really hot in here.” And the other one says, “Holy cow a talking muffin!”
  • There are ten types of people in the world: Those who know binary, and those who don’t.
  • Death is hereditary.
  • There was a pirate walking down the street the other day with a paper towel on his head. So I ask him, “What’s with the paper towel?” “Arr, I got a Bounty on me head.”
  • I wish to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… not screaming, like his passengers.
  • Did you hear about that guy who got the entire left side of his body chopped off? Yeah, well, he’s all right now.
  • I was going to tell a joke about chemistry, but I was worried I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  • Yeah, all the good ones Argon.
  • Two snowmen are sitting in a field. One says, “Hmm. Smells like carrots.”
  • A magician was driving down a road. Then he turned into a driveway.
  • If All is not lost, then where is it?
  • When a clock is still hungry, it goes back four seconds.
  • I gave my cat a bath the other day. He seemed to like it, but it was weird for me because all the fur stuck to my tongue.
  • If you ever see someone wearing 3-D glasses outside of a movie theater, throw something at them. It’s what they want!
  • There is a light at the end of every tunnel. Just pray it’s not a train.
  • What’s the difference between Snooki and The Lorax? One’s short, orange, and has a moustache—and the other one’s a Lorax.
  • I personally cry when I’m cutting up carrots so that onions don’t think they’re ugly.
And on that note, thank you for the polite laughter! I'll see you when I parade back onto the stage with the rest of the girls! "

... Yeah, I think it might need a bit of improvement. Oh well.  


Anonymous said...

No actually, I think it's pretty good. Most fair queens try to be all 'I'm so pretty' and it just comes off as 'I'm so conceited' so be funny! ...did I mention that the conceited girl I said was at the Fashion Revue is competing for Queen and will probably win? -_-

Wait, are you... 13? Or 15? I can't remember. In our county, you have to be at least 16, so I couldn't this summer.

Hannah said...

I'm 14. They lowered the age minimum a few years ago because they had a lack of entries. It's gone up, though, so I guess it worked? I don't know.